dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
