do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
