Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
