So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
