Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I believe in your delicious
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
