sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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