What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
