You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Life is so much better after having sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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