i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
