i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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