I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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