so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
