Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
BRING THE BAGELS
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
