God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Randomize
