Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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