I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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