Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
