She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
