can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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