We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
They took my balls.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Im part way to drunk.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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