yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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