Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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