recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
