it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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