It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
