someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
