I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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