i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
