We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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