I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
