I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
