We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
