he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
