My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
