they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
