Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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