Just fell off a train. Bad.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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