Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
