i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
