i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
