remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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