you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
