I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
