Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
