The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
