You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
