perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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