So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
