he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
