Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
